Worry, Control, and Surrender

I want to know my loved ones will be safe. I want to know the people who love me will never leave me. I want to know my training will pay off and I will run a great race. I want to know all the work I have put into my career will pay off, in finances and wellbeing. I want to know that women will still have access to safe abortions across the country even if Roe v. Wade is overturned. I want to know if I am saving enough for my retirement. I want to know I will feel peace before I die. I want to know if choosing to have children is the best choice for me. I want to know that I will be satisfied with the choices I made in life.

I want to *fucking* know. Even though it is impossible for me to know these things, I have spent too much time trying. This desire to know is a form of trying to exercise false control; it’s byproduct is worry. Worry, worry, worry. No fruitful actions come from worrying. Nothing I do out of worry or fear actually brings me closer to what I value and hope for. It actually takes me farther away. 

Worrying about living a meaningful life does not help me move toward meaningful living. Instead, it probably results in being afraid to take risks and missing opportunities to see beauty in the present moment. Worrying about loved ones does not keep them safe and happy. Instead, it probably creates guilt, tension, and distance in the relationships. 

The desire to control and to worry are a destructive duo, working together to keep us living from our fears instead of our values. 

Our other option is obvious, surrender our perceived control. Truly accept and make peace with uncertainty, acknowledging we only have control over our actions in the present moment. Surrender to the unknown, to the divine unfolding of the universe. 

Easy, right?

No, it sucks. But releasing control is also deeply liberating and beautiful. The river of life is flowing for us. Control keeps us clinging to a branch on the banks, worrying about where the current will take us if we let go. If we allow ourselves to trust the unknown, the current will sweep us up and take us exactly where we must go. 

After all, the unknown is a bit exciting, isn’t it? Do we really want to know exactly how it will work out? There is so much possibility in front of us. Right now our limited vision may not be able to dream or conceive of the potential that is awaiting in the unknown. We may not know what is best for us until we stumble into it.

Breathe in the beautiful potential of uncertainty. Breathe out and let go of what you want to know and control. Breathe in trust in the process. Breathe out and release yourself to the current of life. 

Enjoy the ride,

Kiersten